This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
