I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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