I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
