I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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