the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
