i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
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I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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