In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Bring me that man meat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
