Define "chronic" masturbator.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
