just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
