im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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