I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
