Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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