The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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