i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
