I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
