I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
