I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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