My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
