respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
