So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
