people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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