i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
