hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
