I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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