No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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