Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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