tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
