You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
