My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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