Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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