gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
