So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
