Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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