I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
