Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
