Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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