two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
