im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
