captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
