dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
