Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
