I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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