Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
