Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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