im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You are a genius and a whore.
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