I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
