They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
