Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
