One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
