Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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