Little spoons don't ask big questions
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
