Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
