I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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