using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
