You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
