I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
His nipple licking is glorious
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