I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
