Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
