What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was like getting head from an anaconda
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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