I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
