I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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