So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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