Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
