gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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