I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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