Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
