Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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