Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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