I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
