ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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