I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
