We're facebook friends in real life
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
