Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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