I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
