I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
