Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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