i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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