So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
