Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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