You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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