Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I deserve this hangover.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
