I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Houston, we have a squirter
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
