Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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