Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
