Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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